The Tale of George and Peter Rabbit

Befuddled George sat on his throne absorbed in conversation with Peter Rabbit. Peter Rabbit had persuaded George to come with him to Mr. McGregor's garden so they could knock over the scare crow, so George arose from his throne and put on his hat and coat and followed Peter Rabbit out the door. Across the street they went and into the back yard of Mr. McGregor where Peter Rabbit lived with his family in a hole in the ground with a nice kitchen, which was really a bomb shelter (little known to George). They climbed into the hole and Peter Rabbit's mom made them a nice pot of chamomile tea which George really enjoyed.

Then it was time to tackle the scare crow. George looked up at it and it was metal and tall with a large round face on top. George said to Peter Rabbit “This is too strong to knock over but maybe if I climb to the top I can knock the face off so it won't scare anyone.”  Peter Rabbit jumped up and down and said “Yes, please try.” So George started climbing and got half way up when Mr. McGregor came out the back door. Mr. McGregor was startled and blurted “Who are you up there climbing my tower, what are you doing?” And George rather taken aback said “Peter Rabbit wants me to knock the face off your scare crow.” Well, Mr. McGregor was so dumbfounded he went back in his house and called the police.

George continued climbing but when he neared the top he was distracted by the whoop, whoop of a siren coming down the back lane. A fancy car with lights all flashing stopped right behind the house and out got no one other than Tommy Brock, the veteran kidnapper. George thought “Oh no, he's coming to get Peter Rabbit,” but Tommy came over to the scarecrow and looking up said “Hey you up there, I've come to take you away, away, and if you don't come down now I'll call the fire department and they'll carry you down.” So George not wanting to be carried down by the fire department slowly climbed all the way back down to the ground.

When George got to the ground Tommy put a big net over him and dragged him over to the fancy car and stuffed him in the back seat. Tommy drove George all the way to one of Mr. Tod's houses and put him in an iron cage that Mr. Tod had built in the back corner. In the mean time, Peter Rabbit, who had been hiding behind a big cabbage when Tommy came, and knew that Tommy was not a nice man and would make a big pie out of George, had followed the fancy car all the way to Mr. Tod's house. Peter Rabbit sneaked into Mr. Tod's house because the door was open just a crack, and saw George in the steel cage with a huge lock on the door. Peter Rabbit saw that Tommy, with a big bag of doughnuts, had dozed off at the table and a big key was right there in front of him. So very quietly Peter Rabbit jumped up on the table, but the key was too heavy for him to carry, so he jumped down and pushed a broom so George could just reach it.

Peter Rabbit whispered to George “Hook the key with the broom, and when you get the key, put it in the lock real quite and turn it.” So George hooked the key with the broom and put the key in the lock and turned it and the door came open ever so gently. Peter Rabbit whispered “Follow me.” So George and Peter Rabbit real quietly sneaked out the open door and hiding from everyone in the back lanes, made their way back to Peter Rabbit's house where George lived quite happily with Peter Rabbit's family for many years, eating Mr. McGregor's vegetables. Because Mr. McGregor never went into his bomb shelter he didn't know George was there with the rabbits, and Tommy couldn't find George either. And George never climbed up the scarecrow ever again.

Garbage Terrorists

Found this nailed to our entrance.  Caretaker must have rite him a note.  Don't know how he finds time to help out like this :)     Strange though, we don't even have a recycling bin cause it had a habit of being burnt to the ground.

A Message from Prime Minister S. Harper to the tenants of Deathrock Apartments

We have been made aware of a grave concern for all Canadians. We have a growing proportion of tenants at Deathrock Apartments whose minds are being mislead by the garbage terrorists of our new age. These terrorists are attacking scientifically, pier reviewed principles such as the growth of the GDP, and the recycling of garbage to save our planet.

Our economic free market system and the concept of recycling are unquestionable laws – realities of our universe. We must have economic growth and keep increasing our GDP for everything to function properly. That is how we create money so everyone can have their fair share.

The free market rewards those who work hard and are honest and pay their debts. Dishonesty, laziness, and sinful overspending should not be rewarded. Anyone who works hard, saves, and recycles can and will make it. Being poor and hungry is a good incentive to go to work and recycle.

Recycling by leaving your recyclables in the recycling bins so conveniently provided at the rear of your building is a reality of our new age. Recycling laziness will lead to depression and drug abuse which is exactly what the garbage terrorists wish to achieve so they can sell you more drugs.

In order to save the people of Canada from the garbage terrorists who are trying to undermine these scientific principles, the Harper Conservative Government's Action Plan for Canada is going to move forward with the following important directive:

We will be building large detainment centers as our neighbor to the south has had to do. The garbage terrorists are extremely intelligent people and in our fight against terror we must use every means possible to stop their propaganda. Our present penal institutions are almost full of common criminals so we need places to detain those amongst us who aim to poison our minds by leaving recyclable garbage on the ground, promoting a zero growth economy, or making the arts a full time work instead of something you do in the evening for relaxation. These ideas must be and will be stopped.

The Harper Conservative Government was elected by Canadians and we will continue to talk with you so we can continue to change our country to make it more the way you want your country to be. We are committed to fighting garbage terrorism and we will look after this grave concern for you.

One small step to the recycling bin is one large step for mankind!

Your friend, Stevie

Backlane Blues

The City of Winnipeg tried something about ten years ago. They put dumpsters up and down the back lanes of the less affluent districts of our fair city. They called it a rehabilitative effort to train us delinquents how to keep our city clean. Needless to say it was not a total success and they have been removed to dumpster heaven.

Rehabilitative endeavors

The Stonehedge of the core

What our city fathers fathomed

Could we ask for more?

Green monsters of the back lanes

Lunging out at cars

Going up in glorious flames

For those who would be stars

So here we all must gather

To give our last just dues

To all those battered relics

Where we put our pee-us

Oh garbage truck I pray

Please come and make my day

The stench is friggin crazy

And the flies are in my way

Where you from, man?

Not to offend you, but...

Where you from, man?

I've got another confession to make

I'm your fool

We live in cities you'll never see onscreen

Not very pretty, but we all sure know how to run things

Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams

And you know we're on each others team

I feel good

I walk alone

But then I trip upon myself and I fall

I stand up and then I'm okay

But then you print some shit that makes me wanna scream

One thousand lonely stars

Hiding in the cold

Take it, oh I don't wanna sing anymore

Is some one getting the best, the best, the best of you

I've got another confession to make my friend

I'm no fool

Foo Fighters, Lorde, Lady Gaga, Daft Punk, Foo Fighters

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do

There was a nice lady who lived on a farm

She raised chickens and pigs and stayed out of harm

Had a big garden and fruit bushes too

And three blind cats who ate all the rats

And on her farm she had a small still

In a small shed at the bottom of the hill

She had three husbands all buried in a row

They mostly died from drinking her swill

She'd been on a space ship that took her to Mars

Always been fortuitous since visiting the stars

They'd taught her of magics and strange looking men

And showed her the wonders in a time back when

She talked with the ghosts when she made a good batch

About life in the suburbs and high in Nepal

She knew all the wisdom of wise men she'd catch

In her journeys to remote places over the dell

Her dress was impeccable as was her mind

And bamboozled her neighbors with merely a wink

Wives would find broomsticks to beat their behind

When husbands were tempted to have a small drink

There was a nice lady who lived on a farm

It's a mystery to fathom her gracious good charm

Her beasties all loved her except for one cat

Who'd never recovered after a fall in the vat

Political Incorrectedness

Our Pristine Minister who presides in Ottawa

Honoured be your name

Your promised land come

Your laws be administered in the regions as they are on the hill

And give us our monthly CPP pensions

Fine us and lock us up for our transgressions

As we snitch on those who transgress against our nation

And lead us not to vote for those tree huggers

But deliver us from this evil

For yours is the party, the power, and the prestige

For ever and ever

So be it

My Secret

I have a secret and I'll give it a fling

I just want to tease you and make you distraught

It's not a bad thing if your not too right wing

It makes me so happy and I can't get caught

It lives in my head where it'll be till I'm dead

Sometimes I forget it but it always stays hot

It's full of compassion and not filled with dread

When life seems all futile it sure hits the spot

It could be about politics or religion or love

But to me it's an allegory on how life might be

If elves were for real and two suns shone above

And cake for breakfast was reality

So give it a shot and try out your sleuthing

To cypher my cyberspace for your own perversion

Yes I have a secret so big and so daunting

And I'm not going to tell you what it is