Arrested views

I've not had much to say of late, at least not out loud. My prostate keeps my vanity in check with excruciating pain six minutes out of every hour as I curse the learnèd idiot who invented brachytherapy. As a humongous captive grizzly swinging his massive head side to side in woe at his predicament, I seat on my throne swaying my noggin to and fro in anguish that this is my punishment for crimes against the arrested views of humanity, and not at all sure it will not last for all eternity. It does make one question their faith in the doctors who say in three more months all will be normal. Does it end with a whimper or a bang?

So, in my reconciliation with the powers that be I set forth my will and testament in proof that I have seen the light. Oath under torture has been viewed as constitutional by many constituencies.

1. God created the earth in six days about four thousand years ago.
2. Evolution is a myth.
3. Man was created to have dominion over all living things.
4. Global warming is a hoax.
5. Oil was placed in this earth for man to use.
6. Supply-side economics and posterity with rock bottom taxes is key to mans' success.
7. Democracy and the freedom to bear arms will speed us to the second coming.

I set forth this treatise in surety that our omnipotent and forgiving father reads Google+. Also I promise to never tune in to CBC Radio ever again. Such progressive views have obviously got me into this mess. I'll just have to get used to reading The Sun with the sunshine girl. By immersing oneself in the wisdom of the right, those cravings for the avante-garde will soon wear off.

Please wish me luck.