A supplication for the Lord Musum of Winterpeg

Translators note: A literal translation of a manuscript found in a bottle buried in the mud of the ancient banks of the River Red. This document is believed to be from shortly before the great warming, 4400 years ago. This find is of great significance as most of the literature from this era of the chemical man which was stored on charged disks has been lost due to the magnetic storms which accompanied the great reversing of the earth's magnetic field circa 2073 CE. It hints at a return to polytheistic views, which became prevalent as the chemical age came to a mortiferous halt.

Oh venerable Lord Musum, may you confirm your royal position by taking your seat in the ziggurat, on the lofty rostrum on the muddy banks of the River Red! May you strengthen the foundations of your throne by grasping the remote control of your lordship! May you bring to perfect completion the princely divine powers by inspiring awe in the holy place, the pure place! When you surf on the wide screens in the holy royal rostrum, may you lift your head high in a lordly manner!

When you are imbued with the terrifying splendour of royalty, Lord Musum shining like the sun, when you perfectly wield the august divine powers, the great divine powers, may you be cloaked as if with a mantle in the great awesomeness of royalty! When you come forth in brilliance like the shining day, may the Governance of Canada determine a great destiny for you! When you appear like a drone over the Land, may the great prince, the Pied Piper Harper pray on your behalf in his overflowing heart!

May your headdress sparkle over the land like Black Gold, oh Lord Musum! May your remote correctly guide the numerous people! May the Supreme Court of Canada let you control the living beings! With your remote control may you lead Winterpeg of Manitou as if you were their mother and father! May the widespread people, the people whom you have united, pray to you as you shine like the Bart of Heaven! May you be the god of the foreign lands that are settled together!

Oh venerable Lord Musum, may you manifest yourself in the jurisprudence set before your alter, the Three Inalienable Rights chiseled in rock by John the Locke, our father of enlightenment, in the vast and empty void before the ethernet:

• Everyone is entitled to live once they are created.
• Everyone is entitled to do anything they want to so long as it doesn't conflict with the first right.
• Everyone is entitled to own all they create or gain through gift or trade so long as it doesn't conflict with the first two rights.

May your fingers frolic in delight at the dazzle their rendering unheralds on your majestic screens as your patrons are befuddled with the simplicity bestowed on their day to day goings-on.

When you come forth like an gushing oil well, joy overwhelming your rapturous proselytes, and their gaze is fixed as if on their own parents, when you feed them lavishly, may their sentience sweeten your acrimony! When you generously give them drink, may they frenziedly please you with lewd song and dance, the nāru and the zammeru! May the pizzazzanly-headed people in the mosquito ridden quagmire inundating the mouth of the River Red cool themselves in your shade! May your shepherd ship, guided by your visceral remote, deliver the stranded multitudes in the yearly overflowing River Red from their rooftops to partake in the lascivious appeasements on your behalf.

May Lord Musum be praised! May your royal ziggurat be forever stable! May you surf in ecstasy! May you be honoured unceasingly! May you shine with the luminance of Black Gold! Oh Lord Musum, my king!