Tuesday, November 4, 2014

George has an action plan
















George sat undaunted on his throne. Visions of lollipops danced in his head. Twas not the night before Christmas and everything was haywire and the mice were on a rampage. But George was filled with fortitude today, nothing could rattle him. He had ordered a drone and it was coming today. It was a AR Drone Parrot Wi-Fi quadricopter from Walmart. And he had a motive, an action plan.

Lollipops. He was going to paint lollipops all over the walls of that newfangled ziggurat which the fathers of bureaucracy had constructed as an emblem of their sublimity before global warming had too much of an impact on the political correctness of depleting earth's carbon sequestrations for such aggrandizationment. This ziggurat, home of the newly installed god, the Lord Musum, sitting on the banks of River Red in the heart of Winterpeg, bland and grey an eyesore beyond comprehension to those who had an impairment for the virtues of modern concrete glass and steel architecture, it needed some fine colourful graffiti. Lord Musum would approve.

He'd been preparing all summer. He'd been buying cans of spray paint, one or two at a time always at a different store, and had a stash of orange and red and purple and blue and yellow and green. He'd bought a Gotcha Sprayer which would enable you to attach and trigger virtually any type of aerosol can from the end of an extension pole complete with the electronic trigger. He'd worn a disguise with fake mustachio and shades when he was in Walmart and the nice associate had assured him that his flip phone would work just fine for steering his quadricopter in delicate manoeuvres. His work bench was all cleaned off so he could start right away to exchange the fancy camera with the automatic trigger. He was set.

George arose from his throne, put on his coat and mustachio and shades and headed out the door to take the bus to Walmart. A fine associate went to look up his order and came back with a big smile telling him his quadricopter was now on back order and would arrive in 90 days. Well, needless to say George was disheartened. That would be the middle of winter, not a good time for painting lollipops in Winterpeg. He got on the bus and went home.

Later in the day, once more perched on his throne, George came to the realization that action plans had one fatal flaw. They relied on bureaucracy, a morphology which had no concept of urgency. Things got done when they got done and no sooner, you may as well call it them indolency plans. George went and crawled into bed for the winter.
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