Monday, December 23, 2013

The Great White North

In my traveling years I was wandering around in the southern USA when I got to speak with two friendly policemen while walking down a stretch of highway one evening. The one gent wanted to see some id so I showed him what I had with me. I remember him saying over and over again “Saskatoon Saskatchewan, Saskatoon Saskatchewan”. Then he called over his buddy and they both started chuckling at it. I don't know if they really comprehended that this strange sounding place really existed. I got the feeling that in their minds it was part of a strange fairy land called Canada, the great white north, where great white birds circled the skies while humans and polar bears sat on snow banks drinking Canadian beer.

Our ancestors were nuts to live in cold climates but my guess is the ice ages happened and they got stuck in the cold and when it warmed up again their bodies couldn't take the heat so they just moved further north along with the deer and caribou and musk oxen. And women got good at making clothes while men brought home the stew.

I have an ambiance in which god cruises the northern highways amidst the snow banks on a huge black and silver Harley and picks up chicks drinking beer on the back of half tons to scare the living daylights out of them. For what it's worth?

We have what we call block heaters which we plug into 110 volts to warm our car engines when the temperature goes below about zero F. When you start your car it's best to let it warm up for ten minutes or more so your breath doesn't freeze up the windshield in front of you. Winter tires with studs are best for traction or you won't get far (or if you do you won't stop). Drive with caution, leave ten a car following distance, and if you have to stop in a hurry drive into the nearest snow bank. Leave the Harley at home, eh.

If your going outside for any length of time (more than two minutes) it's a good idea to wear thermal long underwear, heavy socks, lined jeans, a sweater, a hoody, a warm parka, boots with felt liners, a scarf, and mitts not gloves and you don't have to use the thumb either just keep it in the mitt part or it will freeze. And for your head a toque for minimum and then you can add the hoody hood and parka hood and scarf if needed. That should keep you warm for five minutes and the rest is up to exercise. You have to keep moving, not enough to sweat or you'll freeze, but just enough to keep warm. When you're out for more than a couple hours you've got to eat. Anything with lots of calories. Or you'll die.

So come for a holiday and search for the black and silver Harley in the sky. He's here, you just have to be really cold to see him.
Post a Comment