One ringy dingy, two
ringy dingy
Hello?
Hello.
This is Acme Research calling on behalf of the Conservative Party of
Canada. Are you the head of your household?
Oh my, an opinion poll.
Yes, I am currently the head of my, um, household.
May
we take two minutes of your time to ask your valued opinion on some
current topics of interest to Canadians?
Yes by all means. I
believe I'm up to it.
Very
well then. Do you eat Kraft Dinner more than three times a week, one
to three times a week, or less than once a week?
Do you mean real Kraft
Dinner or just any no name brand?
My
question here just says Kraft Dinner.
Okay then, it would
have to be less than once a week.
Are
you very concerned about global warming, slightly concerned, or not
concerned?
Oh I'm not concerned
about it sir, but I may not be answering your question correctly.
Why
is that?
Well, I believe global
warming is happening and out of control but for me to worry about it
would just ruin my health sir, I've got this anxiety disorder the way
it is sir.
We'll
put you down as not concerned then. Do you feel very threatened by
terrorist activity, a little threatened, or not very threatened?
Oh yes sir, I feel very
threatened. My freedom to live and say what I want feels very
threatened by these nasty laws they're having to bring in, and what's
more I lost my my job to a temporary foreign worker.
So
you feel very threatened?
Are you serious? Yes
sir!
Do
you think Canada should be more involved in fighting ISIS, we're
doing just fine, or we should not be involved?
Lordy, lordy. I really
don't know that we should do more or do less. We just don't have
enough information on whether our efforts are really going to help
protect people who wish to be protected and if in the long run it
will help those people to have the freedom to live as they wish.
Okay,
we'll put you down as doing just fine. One last question, do you own
or rent your home?
Well honestly sir,
neither.
Neither?
No sir, I actually live
in my car.
Do
you own it?
Yes sir, I paid five
hundred dollars for it.
Thank
you then. We'll put you down as a homeowner. You have a good day,
and we hope you will support our Prime Minister in the upcoming
election.
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