One ringy dingy

One ringy dingy, two ringy dingy

Hello?

Hello. This is Acme Research calling on behalf of the Conservative Party of Canada. Are you the head of your household?

Oh my, an opinion poll. Yes, I am currently the head of my, um, household.

May we take two minutes of your time to ask your valued opinion on some current topics of interest to Canadians?

Yes by all means. I believe I'm up to it.

Very well then. Do you eat Kraft Dinner more than three times a week, one to three times a week, or less than once a week?

Do you mean real Kraft Dinner or just any no name brand?

My question here just says Kraft Dinner.

Okay then, it would have to be less than once a week.

Are you very concerned about global warming, slightly concerned, or not concerned?

Oh I'm not concerned about it sir, but I may not be answering your question correctly.

Why is that?

Well, I believe global warming is happening and out of control but for me to worry about it would just ruin my health sir, I've got this anxiety disorder the way it is sir.

We'll put you down as not concerned then. Do you feel very threatened by terrorist activity, a little threatened, or not very threatened?

Oh yes sir, I feel very threatened. My freedom to live and say what I want feels very threatened by these nasty laws they're having to bring in, and what's more I lost my my job to a temporary foreign worker.

So you feel very threatened?

Are you serious? Yes sir!

Do you think Canada should be more involved in fighting ISIS, we're doing just fine, or we should not be involved?

Lordy, lordy. I really don't know that we should do more or do less. We just don't have enough information on whether our efforts are really going to help protect people who wish to be protected and if in the long run it will help those people to have the freedom to live as they wish.

Okay, we'll put you down as doing just fine. One last question, do you own or rent your home?

Well honestly sir, neither.

Neither?

No sir, I actually live in my car.

Do you own it?

Yes sir, I paid five hundred dollars for it.

Thank you then. We'll put you down as a homeowner. You have a good day, and we hope you will support our Prime Minister in the upcoming election.