Sunday, January 18, 2015

Bedazzled in bliss

There was this car, a Ford Fiesta and pretty much new, hanging from the middle of the Provencher Bridge right across from the fancy restaurant on the Esplanade Riel here in Winterpeg on about six bungee cords. This is a fairly common occurrence here in Winterpeg, though with a Ford Fiesta it is a rarity, ever since a trailer load of bungee cords went astray on it's way from China to Canada's eastern townships. These occurrences never get reported upon by the media due to their involving tribes of modern warriors set on outdoing each other with their hanky panky which are better left unpublicized due to the glorification which may enhance the prestige of said occurrences.

Since modern technology has made cars pretty much undriveable without the key chip, these warriors of the asphalt jungle have taken to snatching up these cars from their nesting places and hiding them in strange locations, much to the consternation of the parents involved. The load of bungee cords just made this thievery that much more fun. It took awhile for these guys to figure out the proper length so the cars wouldn't get wet, or in winter to get flattened on the ice, but they've got er figured pretty close now. About a dozen warriors can pick up the front end and push that car over a mile in less than fifteen minutes and they know where and what wire to snip to keep the cackle hushed. They send a couple scouts out ahead with the cords and a good hook and when the car arrives they just hook it on and throw it over the curb. Then they run like the wind.

Now this Ford Fiesta, besides that it was a rarity due to this models notoriety which is probably why they picked it, was an exception to the norm when Able Craning hoisted it from the deluge and set it gently on firm footing. In the back seat was these two passed out dudes who had no clue what had happened when they awoke the next afternoon in the slammer. Even sitting in front of a fan with the window ajar wouldn't bring back the faintest, so they put their shirts back on and left it up to their lawyer who got them released after none of their finger prints were found in the car and they figured out someone must have infused them in that back seat while they were bedazzled in bliss.

The moral of this apologue is obviously to lock your doors if bedazzling yourself in bliss, and if'n you drive a Ford Fiesta, well, don't park near the Provencher Bridge.
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