Monday, May 19, 2014

Writing a totally cretinous blog

Writing a blog that no one reads is challenging. With Google's ever improving search engines it becomes very difficult to hide in obscurity being true only to one's creative mishaps when they can find a word misspelled and buried in your footnotes.

My good buddy kept asking why I got so disappointed when I got a view or two once a week till a light went on in his head and he asked if I was using it for something elicit like communicating about shipments of counterfeit neck ties or some other such ilk. But no, I would rather vex CISIS with a mechanical encryption concoction if that were my intent.

My vow of perpetual poverty is the real culprit in my earthly pilgrimage with this prolific urge for fabrication. Even though I don't subscribe to Google ads I have a real phobia for being sent cheques in the mail. I thus have learned several techniques in my blogging to avoid those nasty searches and views.
  1. Never say anything which someone may find useful. That way if someone does stumble on your site at least they'll never come back.
  2. Use big uncommon words lots. Search engines don't know what to make of words they only see once in their lives.
  3. Try not to repeat the same word more than once. The engines think that if you use a word more than once it must be a really important topic in your offering.
  4. Always talk about yourself. Use 'I' lots and lots. Most people are really self centred and only care about what your blog says to involve them.
  5. Never, never use the #hashtag symbol. Although the mighty search gods of Google may deny it, the #hashtag is one sure way of attracting the attention of said deities.

So, without trying to sound useful, I really hope this helps to ebb your readership if you find yourself in a poverishly and unostentatiously challenged situation. Good luck and remain true.
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